“He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.” Psalm 126:6
My Story
My name is Eli Eddy. I the youngest of 4 children and born and raised in Michigan. My siblings and I were raised going to church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night and it was a rarity if we ever missed one. My childhood was quite rebellious up to my senior year of high school. In the early years I was rebellious, in action, through temper tantrums, anger, addiction, and other classic “prideful-angry-spoiled-youngest child” outward sins. As I grew up, although those outward sins started to fade, the inward sins started to grow. Anger, pride, sinful thoughts, and jealousy is a non-exhaustive list.
It was the start of my senior year in high school that my father purchased me an AW Tozer Study Bible. Before this point I never really picked up the Bible. I could play church pretty well, dress up, pray, smile at the old folks, but I was only a whitewashed grave lying to myself, others, and God. But I picked up that AW Tozer bible one day and read the biography of Mr. Tozer. Then began one of the most transformative seasons in my entire life. Before then I never read books and rather spent my time in hours of YouTube, Netflix, and video games. But after that, I began reading all the books I could get my hands on and eventually listening to classic sermons which inflamed my soul like never before. This led to a very clear day in my memory in March of 2020. Before the Lord, on my knees, I asked Him to reveal everything I have not entirely surrendered to Him. School, Work, Family, Relationships, Talents, Books, Desires, Dreams, etc they all started to pop up. I wrote them down in my journal until I knew God listed everything He did not already have. Then, one by one, I surrendered each entirely to God as the Master of my life. From then on I truly was dead to self: “Yet not I, but Christ liveth in me…” And so it was a daily, minute by minute, second by second dying to self and allowing the blood of Christ to cleanse me thoroughly and fill me with His Spirit.
As growth continued on I could see such a revival happening in my life which did not seem to be slowing down. However, when I examined the current Church (as a whole) it seemed to be everything but aflame. I examined weak, sad, tired, fearful, and lethargic Christians as the majority. I examined Christians with just the same schedules, desires, wants, relationships, and minds as the world around us. Simply put: My head was down in the Word of God reading about the early Church and when I looked up I saw a complete contrast to what I was reading. It did not match.
The word “anguish” never appeared in my mind because I was so focused on reading my books, saying my prayers, and studying in my own space. I then listened to a sermon by David Wilkerson entitled “A Call to Anguish”. In his own testimony of anguish years ago he explained how he walked down 42nd street and saw people selling heroin saying “I got the good stuff, it will kill you.” In the middle of 42nd street he dropped on a fire extinguisher and broke down in tears: full of anguish. He says: “I wasn’t looking for a ministry, I wasn’t looking to build a church, I was feeling God’s pain for a lost city” followed by “I have not had anything that’s been any worth to God in my 50 years that wasn’t born in agony.” Struck to my core by this message I realized how important anguish is. One example will suffice: The Cross of Christ. It was Jesus, hanging on that cross, bearing the weight of every sin that was, is, and is to come, that cried out in anguish “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” It was His perfect love for us that led to the anguish of the cross.
Therefore, here I am. Anguishedsoul.com was born out of exactly that. You can read more about that here. I am simply a sinner, saved by grace, seeking my God who has filled me with His anguish for the current state of His Church and for the lost souls that walk all around me.